This is Part 2 of a 2-part column, ranking the top comedies of the 09-10 TV year. For Part 1, click here.
Before we start with the final 6 shows, I should mention that I didn’t rank South Park, since it’s never clear exactly what label it should get. But it should be acknowledged that it had an outstanding season, and one of its best in years. If I had ranked it, I probably would have put it between numbers 4 and 5 on this list.
6. 30 Rock Still funny, but the element of surprise seems to be gone here. All of these characters have been used so much that nothing that they do or say seems surprising or even particularly interesting anymore. At this point I get that Liz Lemon is a slob, Tracy Jordan says ridiculous things and Kenneth had a crazy upbringing in the south. What can the show do that’s unique? They’ve tried to bring in guest star after guest star, which has worked to a degree, but even that’s getting boring. They need to shake things up, or things will get stagnant quickly. The jokes are still good, but without caring about the characters, like on The Office, it could be a problem. This show would have easily been number 1 for the last 2 or 3 years, so having it this low either means that a lot of fresh blood has come into the comedy scene (which is true) or that this show has really fallen (also true).
5. Curb Your Enthusiasm It feels like years ago that this was on HBO, but it was only one year ago. Larry David put together one of the best seasons in the show’s run, and the Seinfeld reunion to cap it all off worked nicely. He managed to give each person in the show some moments to shine, as well as leaving a few episodes for his usual craziness. At least three or four of the episodes were instant classics, and this season will be remembered for awhile, even if I almost forgot to put it on this list. The one other thing that I took from this season is how funny Jerry Seinfeld is, and that we may have all forgotten that. Each of the other characters were decent on Curb, but Seinfeld and David’s interplay was what really made the season work. Without him, it wouldn’t have been nearly as well done.
4. The League I may be ranking it a bit high at number 4, since it only had six episodes and was still a bit rough around the edges. But I can’t remember a comedy that has ever represented what it’s like to be a sports fan and to be around a group of male friends as well. This is the first show that has accurately described fantasy football. It’s clear that the writers have actually played, and that really helps. But the most important part of the show was the fact that people that don’t like fantasy football could still enjoy it. There’s a fine line between not having the credibility to produce a legitimate comedy about fantasy football and using it so much that it alienates every other person to the show. The writers managed to maintain that balance, and it paid off. Each character had fantastic moments, and the season finale was possibly the best half hour of TV of the entire season. Before judging this show, watch the finale. It’s on Hulu. I beg you. It’s 22 minutes of pure greatness. Was the overall season of Curb better than League? Very possibly. But the potential that The League shows earned it this spot. The other proof: of every show coming back in the fall, I’m the most excited for either this or Eastbound and Down. For that alone, it deserves this high spot.
3. Parks and Recreation What a difference a year makes! In its first season, Parks and Rec felt sloppy and slow; the ugly sister to The Office. But, in its second season, things changed. In the same way that The Office formed its own identity in its second season, after its first season felt like a copy of the British version, P&R did as well. The first season made Leslie Knope, Amy Poehler’s character, seem too much like Michael Scott, but the writers went away from that this season. Leslie’s coworkers began to respect her, even though she was certainly quirky. A dynamite supporting cast was formed, led by rising star Aziz Ansari and Nick Offerman as boss Ron Swanson. The show got better and better, even as ratings fell. It’s amazing how Community and Parks and Recreation made for one of the finest hours on TV all year, but was one of the lowest rated. Bummer. In Parks’ first season, I felt that it had the same potential that The Office showed in its initial six episodes. They were raw, but had the makings of a great show. Parks and Recreation proved me right, and I can’t wait for it to come back midseason.
Now that we’re down to the final two, it’s time to get down to business. Two shows remain, and they’re by far the best two of the season. Let’s match these two up, in a final showdown, to see which deserves the number 1 spot.
Glee Vs. Modern Family
Pure Comedy: Let’s answer a quick question: which one was funnier? While Glee had great characters and some priceless lines, every character on Modern Family was a riot. The one-liners here were unparalleled. Edge: Modern Family
Characters: This is among the closest calls. Both shows have created so many complex, deep characters that it’s impossible to choose one. The entire Dunphy family was fresh and totally unique, yet Sue Sylvester may be the best character to come along since Tony Soprano…did I just go there? You bet I did! Both shows created such rich characters in one season, that I can’t choose. Edge: Push
Guest Stars: This one’s a blowout. While Fred Willard, Chazz Palminteri and Benjamin Bratt did nice jobs on Modern Family, Glee’s group of stars were unprecedented. Neil Patrick Harris stole an episode, Kristen Chenoweth was fantastic and Idina Menzel added to the show towards the end of the season. Each person brought in was everything the audience could’ve asked for. Big Edge: Glee
Unsung Heroes: For Modern Family, it’s the kids. Phil and Claire’s three kids, along with Manny, Jay and Gloria’s son, brought far more than anyone could’ve expected. Luke and Manny together could be a sitcom in itself. But a certain ex-host of GUTS stole this category. As Kurt’s straight father, Mike O’Malley may have been the best actor on all of Glee, in his unwavering support of his gay son. If I had given you 100 to 1 odds 5 years ago that Mike O’Malley would be nominated for an Emmy as one of the best serious actors on a hit show, would you have taken it? I doubt it, although to quote Kevin on The Office, “I take 100 to 1 odds on anything. If John Cougar Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I’m going to be a very rich man.” O’Malley’s been a revelation, and his presence alone put this show on higher ground. Edge: Glee
Overexposure/Burnout: Both of these were big hits in their first season, leading to worries about both of their future. Fortunately, Modern Family has kept a low profile ever since its season finale, quietly showing reruns on ABC and not doing a ton more. Glee, however, has been everywhere. The cast has gone on tour, a book has been released, albums continue to be cranked out, DVD sales are through the roof, and a phenomenon has been born. What worries me about its future is that the song-and-dance element to the show, which I haven’t even mentioned yet, could become too important to the show’s success. While the music was nice, and I’m always a proponent of more Broadway in my life, what made the show were the characters and the humor. If it weren’t for Sue Sylvester, I believe that this show would have failed. If there’s too much music and not enough story, we’ll lose our commitment to the characters and the show will become almost a revue of old music, in an American Idol world. That’s not a good thing. Fortunately, creator Ryan Murphy said this week that he plans on lessening the music for next season, and keeping the focus on the characters. That’s a good sign. But, still: Edge: Modern Family
Degree of Difficulty: For one, Glee is twice as long as Modern Family, so they had double the content to write for the season. Both shows had to be confined within network TV standards, so there’s no edge there. While Modern Family did show heart in many of its episodes, showing us why we should care for the entire Dunphy family, Glee’s ability to mix humor with true emotion was unparalleled. The ability to go back and forth with verbal sparring between Sue Sylvester and Will Schuster, and then deal with legitimate issues like homosexuality and anorexia, was amazing. There were plot holes galore (How did the musicians in the music numbers always know exactly what song the kids were going to sing, when the kids decide to just sing spontaneously? Are they the greatest players in the world? How did the glee club show up for rehearsals every day and have a fully lit stage waiting for them, lighting cues and all? How did they have a constant struggle for money, yet could afford such a detailed lighting and sound system, and then pay for a professional choir to sing behind them occasionally?), but the ability to tackle these problems made up for them. Edge: Glee
And, finally, the last, and most important questions:
Which was more unique? Which could never be duplicated? When I think about this season in 10 years, what will pop up in my mind? Modern Family is an outstanding show, and will have a great shelf life. It’s extremely well written, and it deserves every accolade it gets. But it’s not hard to imagine another smart, funny, well-written show about a big family coming down the pipe in a few years. The show already feels like a relatable mix of 70 percent Arrested Development, and 30 percent The Office, mixing into a nice hybrid. But I can’t compare Glee to anything that I’ve ever seen on TV. It is completely unique, and it feels like a once in a lifetime phenomenon. Glee captured the country’s attention this year, and it’s high points were higher than anything else’s. Modern Family was more consistent, for sure, but Glee is the one that climbed the furthest. I’ll remember that. So, while it was a nail biter:
2. Modern Family
1. Glee
As Sue Sylvester would say, that’s how I see it.
August 9, 2010 · Filed under Pop Culture, Uncategorized
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I’ve considered myself to be a big TV fan for years. From my early years of watching every Nickelodeon show there was, to my more recent years of…watching every Nickelodeon show there is (iCarly and Big Time Rush are outstanding, and I refuse to be told otherwise), I’ve always had an eye on the TV world. But, I realized in the last year that while I’m always on the lookout for new shows to interest me, I have a knack for comedies above all else. Even the dramas that I’ve enjoyed in the past have had strong comedic elements, like The Sopranos, for instance. So, while I may not be an expert in dramas, I have an eye for comedy. It’s been a renaissance year for comedies as a whole, with three strong shows debuting on network TV, as well as another having a major improvement between season 1 and season 2. A new show premiered on cable TV that only had a short run, but has me optimistic of a long, prosperous future for it. With the Emmys about a month away, let’s run down the best shows of the 09-10 season. In reverse order…
First off, here’s the notable comedies of the year that I didn’t watch. I can’t compare them to the shows that I ranked. For fans of these shows, I’m not disrespecting your show by not ranking it; I just can’t without watching it first:
2 and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, Weeds, Cougar Town, The Middle, Ugly Betty, Better Off Ted, Hung, Bored to Death.
1,987. Scrubs: Med School I’m having war flashbacks thinking about this show, that was on in the later parts of 2009. Is this what it’s like to come back from Vietnam? Not only was this show a complete and total disaster, but it may have ruined 8 years of one of my favorite shows of all time. The episodes in which Zach Braff returned as JD weren’t awful, but the others were as bad as anything I’ve ever watched. I felt bad for Kerry Bishe, a likable enough girl that was strapped with having to play the main part on this new show, picking up where Zach Braff left. Creator Bill Lawrence and the rest of his staff had moved on to Cougar Town, leaving the remains left for us to watch. Donald Faison and John C. McGinley stayed on, but didn’t have even close to the impact that they had on Scrubs. While the last season of the real Scrubs wasn’t very good, the finale was spectacular. It seemed like Lawrence and Co. had written it for whenever the last season would be, and it was as good as any episode in the show’s history. It left a great taste in my mouth, and it should have been left at that. But the new show came, and I watched like a sap. And I was punished for it. And honestly? I love some of the characters from Scrubs enough that if, in a bizarro universe, the new Scrubs was renewed, I’d probably still watch it. I’m a sucker.
12. Entourage To call this the 12th best comedy gives it WAY more credit than it deserves. I’m confident that if I watched any of the shows in my list above that they’d be ahead of Entourage on this list. At this point, even reviewing Entourage seems like a waste of time. Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) remains a fascinating character, although he becomes a bit less interesting each year. Everyone else on the show remains as stagnant as ever, and the stakes for each character have never seemed lower. The last legitimately interesting storyline to come from the show was in 2007, when Medellin tanked at its premiere. Since then, nothing remotely interesting has happened on the show, and every character has gotten his way enough that every obstacle thrown at them seems temporary. If there’s no realistic chance that a character won’t get what he wants, why bother at all? Yet, I continue to watch every week, and will continue to. I think there’s three main reasons why:
1. Summer Programming- There’s not a whole lot to watch on TV over the summer, so Entourage smartly positions itself as the thing to watch. What’s its competition, anyway? Not a ton.
2. No commercials- This may seem stupid in the age of DVR, but it’s nice to just plop down in front of the TV for 30 minutes, shut the brain off and watch a TV show. After each episode, I almost feel like I’m awaking from a nap. It’s a 30 minute period of relaxation, without anything to really think about. In a way, it’s nice.
3. Selection of women- Entourage does this better than any other show on TV. Emmanuelle Chriqui is always some nice eye candy, and Alexis Dziena’s run last year was among the few highlights of the season. Plus, each random girl that gets to live it up with Vincent Chase each week is always fun to look at. This is what constitutes great TV in the barren desert of summer programming.
11. Californication This is a show that isn’t that different from Entourage, but has more likable characters. David Duchovny’s Hank Moody is a far more sympathetic character than anyone on Entourage, playing a frustrated writer trying to keep a family together while dealing with his flawed self. Along with Evan Handler’s Charlie Runkle, this is a likable cast that has the viewers emotionally invested in them. Since actual bad things have happened to each character throughout the show’s run, the stakes actually seem high. This isn’t the funniest show on TV, but it’s a solid, well-rounded show. The first legitimately good show to make the list. The selection in women on this show might not be at Entourage’s level, but it’s a close second.
10. How I Met Your Mother Bit of a down year for this show, after a strong few years before. Still, this show at its best may be better than any show on the list. Two episodes in particular, “The Playbook” and “Perfect Week”, stand out as being as good as it gets. The episodes where Neil Patrick Harris carries the show are usually among the best, such as those two episodes. But, the second half of the season really faltered, with little plot development and too many individual episodes that don’t relate to others. There were also too many guest stars, and while I love Marshall (Jason Segel) and Lilly (Alyson Hannigan), their quest to have a baby wasn’t intriguing. I think the show will turn it around, though, and soon.
9. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Another consistent, strong year, from this show that gets away with more on FX than I can remember any show getting away with on either HBO or Showtime. Lots of good things here, but nothing that stands out to put it higher than 9. I’ve described this show as “Seinfeld” with less boundaries, and the main 5-person cast works as well together as any on TV. I wish I had more ways to describe the show, but I really don’t. It’s always a fun half hour. It was overshadowed a bit by the show that followed it on FX , but we’ll get there later.
8. Community It was a rocky first season for the new show on NBC, starring Joel McHale, among others. While it started strongly, it went into a major lull in the middle of the year, to the point that I was able to walk around and do other things while watching it and not fear of missing anything. But, by mid-March, it had regained its early season form and its final month was as good as any network show. Its third-to-last episode, Modern Warfare, was an instant classic. At some point, the show decided to stop taking its characters so seriously and used them to parody different things left and right, and it culminated in this episode. Troy (Donald Glover) and Abed (Daniel Pudi) found ways to be funny even when not caring a ton about their character development. When that can happen, a show really starts to succeed, because it gets the freedom to do whatever it wants without risking judgment on the characters. Unfortunately, Community’s ratings went downhill as the year went on, and its final few, and best, episodes were among the least watched. Hopefully it can rebound in this coming year, or it could be a candidate for cancellation. But, with NBC’s state right now, it wouldn’t be wise to cancel a fresh, funny show that gets good reviews. NBC has done dumber things in the past.
7. The Office This may be a bit high, for how the season went, but I’m biased. The Office is my favorite show of all time, and its second and third season is as good as anything that I’ve ever watched. But it’s slowly gone downhill, not in the quality department, but more so in its humor. There seems to be a need for drama constantly now, and that wasn’t always the case. Instead of highlighting the absolutely fantastic supporting cast, there has been more and more emphasis on real-world problems, such as the shutdown of Dunder Mifflin and the downturn in the economy. That’s made the show less enjoyable as a whole. The acting is still excellent, with Steve Carell putting on a weekly clinic, and Ed Helms is consistently great. Jim and Pam’s romance was a key part of the first few seasons, but with their plotline resolved, they’ve each turned into far less likable people. They’ve gone from being the two people with sanity in an office of crazy people into characters as flawed as everyone else. This isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, but they haven’t given us a reason to root for them. It’s tough for us to root for Jim to prank Dwight in some mean way when we realize how flawed Jim is, as well. In fact, an argument could easily be made that Dwight is a better person than Jim. That’s a bit of a problem. But I love this show and these characters so much that I couldn’t put it any lower than 7th. With Steve Carell leaving after this season, here’s hoping that it reverts to its old form. We have 22 episodes left with Michael Scott. Let’s make the most of them.
Come back on Friday for Part 2, as I reveal the top six comedies of the 2009-10 year.
August 4, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized
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“My number one rule is you don’t fall in love at the Jersey Shore”
But we did. We all did. And now we’re reconciling.
Jersey Shore premiered on MTV on December 3rd, 2009. For the following 9 weeks, we all fell in love at the Jersey Shore. Each week the show had a party element to it, and people gathered with each other to watch it. It was mass viewing at its best; people could come together to have a good time, and not have to struggle to grasp the meaning of what was happening. Everyone understood how crazy the show was, and most people loved it. If it were 1992, things would have been different. The show would have taken a while to gain traction, and it would have gathered a cult following of diehard fans that wouldn’t miss it for the world. The stars of the show would have stayed relatively unknown, and they could have gone on to continue to make the show and make their loyal fans happy. Not one person on The Real World was ever even a fraction of the celebrity that the Jersey Shore cast has become. Unfortunately, it was 2009, and things heated up faster than The Situation suggesting that Snooki ‘had some rolls’.
In the generation we live in, things don’t build up slowly, with very few exceptions. They skyrocket instantly, or they never really gain traction. Within the first few weeks of Jersey Shore, the cast had been on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jay Leno’s 10 o’clock show and countless awards shows. By the time that the holidays rolled around, there were really only two topics of conversation at parties: Tiger Woods and Jersey Shore. I talked about beating up the beat with people more than anything else for a whole month. GTL hadn’t been established yet, so we didn’t go there. But every other little reference was talked about over and over again. I’ll remember the 2009 holidays for family, friends, grenades, hippos and smushing (Ronnie’s term for sex). For at least a few weeks, the show was ours; everyone who watched it had a coolness factor that others didn’t have. We were in an exclusive club. By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, the show had exploded into a phenomenon. Michael Cera was given the Guido Look by the cast for promos for his movie. The cast was co-hosting MTV’s coverage of the ball dropping in Times Square. The overkill had begun.
In the coming months, the first season of the show came to an end. We were introduced to GTL, The Situation’s routine of gym, tanning and laundry each day. We learned about Single J-Woww and the gorillas and juiceheads on the beach. My go-to declaration of victory became “That’s one shot, kid!” But, in due time, the season ended, and we were left without the show itself, but with the greasy remains that spread themselves out over the pop culture world. The cast continued to yuk it up with Jay Leno, every talk show had members on, and New Jersey jokes were everywhere. Bobby Moynihan played a parody of Snooki on Saturday Night Live, and Ellen Degeneres made Jersey Shore references on American Idol, the least cult-y show in the history of TV. Slowly, the initial fans started to lose interest, since they were only getting the watered down version of each character without the actual show. Plus, a huge part of what made the show great was how it was edited and put together. One of the best jokes from the whole season was when Snooki was describing a guy that she had decided that she was in love with, and had potential with. As she finally said his name, it was revealed to the audience that she had completely gotten his name wrong, and it was something different altogether. Those kinds of moments couldn’t happen on talk shows. After a while, everyone needed Jersey Shore to go away for a few months, in the same vein as eating only fast food for two weeks. After all, how much bad food can you eat in a row without a break? It may taste really good, but after awhile you’ll just want a salad. We all needed some vegetables to counter the fried fat that was Jersey Shore, but it wasn’t being given to us. It was constantly being forced down our throats. It was announced that the cast was going to Miami for the second season, and it seemed to be a sell-out move. When the 2nd season was set to begin on July 29th, I wasn’t even sure if I would watch it. It had come to that.
But, fortunately, things turned around. As filming of the second season started, the talk show appearances died down. The talk from all sources about the show gradually wilted. The housewives and 70-year-old men started to eliminate Snooki, guidette, and every other Jersey Shore-ism from their vocabularies. Now, as commercials promoting the new season have kicked up, I’m as excited as ever. Snooki announced that she didn’t want to cheat on her boyfriend, but “Put a bottle of So-co in front of me and who knows what’ll happen”. Pauly D announced that “We’re living in a GFA, a Grenade Free America”. The Situation talked about wearing his “shirt before the shirt”, meaning that he’ll put his going-out shirt on later. I forgot how much I missed these people, for brilliant moments like these. How could these ever be replaced? Finally, MTV showed a video of the whole cast beating up the beat and dancing in a packed Miami club to Enrique Iglesias’ I Like It, arguably the catchiest song of the summer. With that, I was in. Done. Let’s do it. But there are still questions about what we witnessed.
The fact of the matter is that as long as we have hundreds of channels on our TV, limitless websites to promote shows, and the ability to use Youtube at our fingertips, overexposure will be a part of life. Whatever the next show is that becomes an overnight sensation will face the same problems. Let’s just deal with that matter, and get over it. More importantly, what does the backlash and then the backlash to the backlash say about us? Why are we so influenced by the media that our perceptions of something can so radically be changed by something we can’t control? By mid-April, if I never saw The Situation and Vinny again, it would have been too soon. (Sidebar: It would be unjust to do an entire Jersey Shore column without once mentioning and giving ample props to Vinny, the one cast member that seems to be smarter than it all. He seems like a bright guy who just happens to live in this culture. His jokes were on a totally different level than the other cast mates throughout the first season, and it’s clear how much more intelligent he is than everyone else. Thought that needed to be said.) So how can I go from being madly in love with a show to being tired of it to hating it and then going back to loving it, without the show even being on the air? I actually felt bad for MTV at one point as this was going on. All they did was produce an enjoyable show; they didn’t ask for all the hype that made everyone tired of it. The problem is within. We all decided to judge Jersey Shore for what was happening with it on other TV shows. If we had only judged it based on the episodes of the show, we would have still loved it. If John Krasinski has a lame appearance on Leno, I’m not going to start hating The Office because of it. It’s a totally separate entity. The same must be applied to Jersey Shore if the show is going to have any sort of lasting impact. The show is what matters. The hype around it is all just noise trying to drown out its actual voice. I know that I’m making this goofy, stupid show to be much more than it actually is, but even if it were a great work of art, the fact would remain the same. Judge the product, not the hype. As we go into season 2, the show will have to address this pressing topic: How will these people’s lives change now that they’re famous? I can only hope that we find out not from Jay Leno and Billy Bush, but from The Situation, Snooki, J-Woww, Vinny, Pauly D, Ronnie and Sammi Sweetheart, our voices of truth.
The Situation, Snooki, J-Woww, Vinny, Pauly D, Ronnie and Sammi Sweetheart. Voices of truth. God help us all.
July 29, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized
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How about a mid-summer edition of 20 Questions? I’ve been promising this column for weeks/months, so let’s get right to it. As a reminder, these are all questions that may or may not have an actual answer, but they’re all things that I’ve thought about recently.
1. Isn’t being the T-shirt cannon guy at a sporting event the worst job you could possibly have? You only have at most 50 shirts to give out. So, if you’re in an arena with 15,000 people in it, approximately 99.7 % of the people in attendance will be mad at you for not shooting them a T-shirt. Aren’t those really sucky percentages? It sounds like a drag.
2. Are we all underrating the greatest ironic last name of all time? Brian Cashman is the GM of the Yankees, the team that spends the most money of any team in sports. He’s the guy that signs players to big contracts. He’s literally the cash man. Yet nobody ever talks about how hilarious this is. Why isn’t this talked about more?
3. What’s the appeal of bubble tea? Everywhere you go in New York City, but mainly in Chinatown, people are selling bubble tea, as the most refreshing drink to have on a hot summer day. Here’s what it is. You get some sort of iced tea that has a certain flavor, and it has milk added. It’s all well and good. Kind of like a drink at Starbucks. No issues. Then, through the middle and at the bottom, are dozens of ‘bubbles’ that are actually little balls of tasteless starch. What in the blue hell are the points of these? They taste like NOTHING, and then instead of having the comfort of a refreshing sip of your tea drink, you have to chew on these little flavorless balls until you’re annoyed with them, swallow, and are then thirsty so you need to take the next sip of your drink. The process continues forever. They taste a bit like Dots, otherwise known as The Worst Candy Ever Invented, if Dots had absolutely no flavor and were every bit as chewy and disgusting and stayed in your teeth even longer. What the hell, bubble tea? And I’m not even as mad at the institution of bubble tea as I am at the douchey people who continue to insist that it’s the greatest drink ever. You are playing into the torturous game that these evil makers of this tea want you to play. You can never get the bubble taste out of your mouth, so what do you do? You buy more tea. And it goes on and on and on. And it’s all your fault, hippies who think this is the next wave of great drinks.
4. Why do people continue to take pictures of the field at baseball games when they’re sitting in the upper deck? Do I really need to see pictures that, if I look really closely, will show me Derek Jeter playing shortstop? Can’t I just watch TV for that? Whoa, that’s what I watched on TV, but only now it’s 1,000 times harder to see! Awesome!
5. If only kids from the age of 8 and below read Highlights magazine, can’t they just repeat their magazine every 8 years and get away with it? Do they do this already, but I’m unaware of it because I’m not 8? Am I unlocking a conspiracy here? You can’t tell me that Goofus and Gallant have had unique adventures for 50-plus years. There’s got to be a rerun in there somewhere.
6. How did the term “Don’t touch a black man’s radio!” come into play? I’m a white man. Don’t touch my radio either! That’s my radio! It’s universally uncool to touch the driver’s radio. How did this become a race thing? I can’t imagine anyone being completely fine with the passenger just changing whatever’s on the radio. Not cool at all.
7. This might be my most important question: How did the makers of Coca-Cola come up with the flavor of cola? Hear me out: virtually every flavored thing in the world comes from a natural source. Orange Soda tries to duplicate the taste of an orange; even though it may taste nothing like an actual orange, it has a foundation in which the flavor is based around. The same for Sprite, a lemon-lime drink, and basically every other artificially flavored food there is. Cocoa puffs are supposed to taste like chocolate. Trix are supposed to taste like a few different fruits. Jell-O comes in different flavors that represent fruits. I could go on for days. But Coca-Cola decided to play god and come up with a totally unique flavor based on absolutely nothing that the world would decide to embrace. After extensive research (note: there was no research, I just daydreamed a lot), I came to the conclusion that the only things in the world that were specifically invented to fit the taste buds were cola and bubblegum. I considered including Dr. Pepper, but they say that it’s a blend of 23 flavors that make up the taste, so clearly it’s based on something as well. But what was the invention process? Did scientists come together and figure out the exact right combination of substances that would make for a refreshing drink? This is fascinating to me.
8. I was watching a commercial for an auto-repair store, possibly Pep Boys, when the person in the commercial’s car battery wouldn’t start, and the guy went “Not now…this is the worst time!” This made me think, is there ever a good time for a car battery to die? Whenever you enter your car, you’re going to a destination. Has anyone’s car battery ever died and the person thought, “Well, at least this is a perfect time for my car battery to die!”?
9. I’m always one to defend baseball from its detractors, because I love the sport and enjoy watching it on a night in and night out basis. But can it really be considered a sport when the players chew gum through the entire game? Can you possibly imagine a player in any of the other 4 major sports chewing gum while playing their game? Wouldn’t they choke on it or swallow it within the first minute of playing?
10. Isn’t a whiteout the sports version of a tramp stamp? It’s cheap, it’s easy, and afterwards you can never have the same level of respect as a franchise. It’ll be with you forever, and just makes you look unworthy. And if I really wanted to distract the visiting team, how about a pink-out, or a rainbow-out? Wouldn’t they spend the first five minutes of the game wondering why the hell the entire building was dressed in pink, or how they managed to coordinate it so that the building looked like a gigantic rainbow?
11. Is the phrase “That woman’s accent is so thick, she sounds just like Rosie Perez” now more famous than Actual Rosie Perez? What has she done in the last decade besides making Pineapple Express 17% worse?
12. How old are the jockeys that run in the Kentucky Derby? I couldn’t give you an approximation within 20 years. If you told me that Calvin Borel was 30, I’d believe you. If you told me he was 20, I’d believe you. If you told me he was 60, I’d believe you. Absolutely no clue.
13. Do people still use washboards? The term “washboard abs” is still in the lexicon, but does anyone in America not have a washing machine? When’s the last time that someone actually used a washboard? I know what a washboard looks like, but only because I’ve seen Fiddler on the Roof multiple times. What percentage of the GTL-ing part of the country has ever actually seen a washboard? How do they know what to make their abs look like?
14. Going right along with the washboard abs idea (as in, going as far away from it as possible), how much would it cost to get Lou Bega to come hang out with me? We’re not talking more than 20 to 100 bucks, right? Maybe more on the weekends?
15. How come we can’t have more of a sense of humor at sporting events? When Matt Kemp comes to the plate in a visiting stadium, how come they can’t play a Rihanna song? Everyone would get a kick out of it, and would he really get that offended? It’s so bad to play a song by the girl he’s dating? We need to find more ways to make it fun to be at the ballpark, and that wouldn’t hurt. Speaking of that relationship…
16. Doesn’t Matt Kemp have the smallest shoes in the world to fill when dating Rihanna? Nowhere to go but up.
17. We hear about no-nonsense managers and coaches all the time. Do nonsense managers exist? Are there managers that just let everyone have a grand old time, and don’t bother with any punishments? If guys come to a game late, are they just okay with it, because they’re a nonsense manager? How do their pre-game pep talks go? “Guys, I want you to give it your all out there. And if you don’t, I’m not really gonna care.”
18. How do you riot? Each time a sports team wins their title, I hear about cities rioting afterwards. What’s the process for this? Who starts it? Is there a riot leader? Does he just punch somebody to get it going, almost like lighting the Olympic torch? Do people really get a kick out of throwing trash cans? And would I really be able to set something on fire? I barely know how to work a lighter, so I don’t think torching cars is in my repertoire. I don’t think I’ll be rioting any time soon.
19. Time for a guest question! My friend Brian, of occasional podcast fame, asks this:
What’s the deal with “weather records”? Does anybody out there want to be a part of this?? And why am I supposed to care about being involved in an “historic record breaking day” when it’s either ridiculously cold or ridiculously hot outside?? Is this among the dumbest and least sought after records ever or what? Is this something I’m going to tell my grandkids about?? Are there going to be any grandparents sitting around talking to their grandkids about living through a record breaking weather day?? “Your grandmother and I were a part of history. I remember back in July of 2010 when we were involved in the all time heat record in NYC on a July 8th. We were all a part of something very special that day.”
20. To wrap it up, I’m going to start a new feature called “The One I Found an Answer To”. Whenever I watch Family Guy, in the opening credits a writer by the name of Cherry Chevapravatdumrong is listed. Is this an actual person, or was Seth MacFarlane playing some sort of elaborate joke on the audience? Could someone with this long and crazy of a last name actually exist? I don’t remember anyone ever having a 6-syllable last name, or 1 syllable longer than my entire name. Well, after some quick research on Google, I learned that Ms. Chevapravatdumrong has been a writer on Family Guy since its fourth season, and has written 7 episodes. She was born in Columbus, Ohio, was raised in Ann Arbor, Michigan (How’s that for a college football debate?) and went to Yale. She’s written two young adult novels (under the name Cherry Cheva…tough to put that entire name on the cover of a book) and was recently promoted to co-producer on Family Guy. Good to know! Don’t you feel smarter now?
That’ll do it for today’s 20 Questions. As always, thanks for reading, and if anyone has a question that they’re dying to get out there, send us a message here at Storps and I’ll think about adding it as a guest spot for the next edition.
July 20, 2010 · Filed under MLB, Pop Culture, Uncategorized
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The 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa is now officially over and Spain has been deservedly crowned champions for the first time in their country’s history. This tournament certainly brought a lot of excitement and tension, although the final wasn’t as open of a game as many expected. Now that all the fanfare has ended, except maybe in Spain at least, let’s take a look at the players that shined the brightest and showed why they are among the best in the world.
Golden Ball Award – While I have no problem with Diego Forlan of Uruguay winning the Golden Ball as the tournament’s best player, I do think it is an injustice that Andres Iniesta isn’t even the Silver or Bronze Ball winner which went to Wesley Sneijder and David Villa respectively, who had great tournaments in their own right. Take away the fact that he scored the game winning goal in the World Cup title, he had a major impact on many of the other major goals Spain scored in the tournament. His brilliant run led to Villa’s goal against Paraguay in the quarterfinals. He and midfield partner Xavi are what separates Spain from the competition and allows them to play a style dependent on dominant possession and creativity. While Iniesta and Xavi are interchangeable most of the time with one another, they are irreplaceable on the field, even for a team with the depth of Spain. Iniesta’s poise on the ball is unmatched in the world, with the only exception perhaps being Xavi. It is hard to argue against the 3 players who were voted the best in the tournament, but Iniesta belongs on that list over one of the others.
Best XI:
After every tournament most sports writers/analysts pick a Best XI, an all-star team for the World Cup. This year provided us with many great performances from the world’s best as well as witnessing future stars of the sport who burst onto the scene this summer and who we will certainly keep our eyes on. As with any all-star team, there is room for debate, but these are my choices for the best 11 players based on their play in South Africa.
Goalkeeper: Iker Casillas (Spain) – The Real Madrid keeper came up big on multiple occasions in the final against the Netherlands, particularly on a Arjen Robben breakaway. He also stopped a penalty against Paraguay in the quarterfinals. Spain won the World Cup scoring only 8 goals, the fewest ever by a winner. Casillas kept clean sheets in all four knockout round matches and Spain only allowed 2 goals all tournament largely thanks to the captain.
Honorable Mention: Vincent Enyeama (Nigeria), Diego Benaglio (Switzerland)
Defenders: Maicon (Brazil), Philipp Lahm (Germany), Carles Puyol (Spain), Gerard Pique (Spain) – Pique and Puyol were rock solid in the central defense for Spain which allowed only 2 goals in their 7 matches. Puyol also provided the thunderous header which propelled Spain to a victory in the semifinal against Germany. Lahm and Maicon are two of the best outside backs in the world and each showed why in this tournament.
Honorable Mention: Sergio Ramos (Spain), Fabio Coentrao (Portugal)
Midfielders: Andres Iniesta (Spain), Wesley Sneijder (Netherlands), Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany) - Iniesta was one of the best players of the tournament even before he scored the game winner in the final. Sneijder was the biggest reason the Dutch made it all the way to the final and he even became a goalscorer with 5 goals. Schweinsteiger was the key for a young German side who was without captain Michael Ballack, which could have been a blessing in disguise as the emergence of Thomas Muller and Mesut Ozil in the midfield greatly contributed to their semifinal run. At 25, Schweinsteiger was the veteran among the midfield and his poise and distribution made the Germans the top scorers of any team in the World Cup.
Honorable Mention: Xavi (Spain), Thomas Muller (Germany), Mesut Ozil (Germany), Landon Donovan (USA), Alexis Sanchez (Chile)
Forwards: Diego Forlan (Uruguay), David Villa (Spain), Lionel Messi (Argentina) – Forlan was easily one of, if the not the best player in the tournament. His great individual efforts helped propel the Uruguayans to an impressive run to the semifinals. Forlan scored 5 goals which co-led the tournament with 3 other players including David Villa. The Spanish striker scored 5 of the World Champions’ 8 goals and did it largely without a fully fit Fernando Torres to help him up front. Although Messi didn’t score in the tournament, his mere presence helped open up gaps and spaces for his Argentine teammates. He also led the tournament in shots and was a crucial playmaker in the Argentina attack.
Honorable Mention: Luis Suarez (Uruguay), Asamoah Gyan (Ghana), Javier Hernandez (Mexico), Gonzalo Higuain (Argentina), Keisuke Honda (Japan), Miroslav Klose (Germany)
July 14, 2010 · Filed under Uncategorized
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